Death is not Pain

Like a lot of my family, I have spent the last few days dreading April 20th. Wondering how am I going to get through, what am I going to do, how am I going to cope.

4x60000076AIt’s funny how we are conditioned to remember things. I will probably always remember this day as the day my dad died – but despite all my expectations, I have not yet felt any pain on this day. Even the first time three years ago there was no pain – just numbness (and alarm, as my mother’s black eye proved – sorry, mum). Last year I was lucky enough to be with someone who spent the entire day having fun with me. But this year, I was faced with spending the whole day at a yoga studio (meditative by nature) and then the evening in the empty house as my mum and my brother are at Penn State. I was expecting to wake up in a terrible mood, fumble through my teaching, come home, and binge on Indian food while watching Monty Python and old home videos…

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4 thoughts on “Death is not Pain

  1. Thank you for sharing such compassion filled words. You know it’s perfectly fine to be where you are in that process. I’m sure your pops is proud of you and how you’ve grown in the last three years.

    I feel nothing but compassion for you and the creativity you’ve put to explaining how you feel. Again thankful for this post.

    Blessings to you.
    Nick

  2. Oh Fiona~Your words are so touching, loving and uplifting. You are wise beyond your young years. I lost my father last April (Easter day to be exact) and I miss him every single day. Some days are so sad for me and others not so much but, your understanding of how life goes on after death gave me a new perspective on how to view things. I was diagnosed this year with cancer and I was so sad that my father was not hear so that I could talk to him when I was scared and feeling horrible from the chemo but, I always knew that he was with me somehow and some where. Thank you so much for printing your wonderful words!!!

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